Am I A Cougar?!?: Breaking the Stigma of Dating Younger Men

Dear God, in this phase of my life I am just grateful for opened and closed doors. I trust you. May anything that is not meant to better me as a person quickly find its way to the wrong path, while I continue to navigate the path you have for me.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

So I have been talking to this guy who is much younger than me…when I say much I mean more than three years! When I tell you the laughter is everything, it is everything. At work one day I remember someone asking how old he was and instantly I wanted to say an older age. I didn’t, but it made me wonder, why was I ashamed to admit a younger guy caught my attention? At that moment I realized, ya girl’s a cougar! Lawd have mercy!

But what is it about the word “cougar” that makes us cringe? Society has glamorized older men dating younger women forever—nobody bats an eye. But when a grown woman, established in her life, chooses to entertain someone a few (or several) years her junior, suddenly she’s a punchline or a predator.

Let me be clear: I’m not talking about dating someone still learning long division or figuring out how taxes work. I’m talking about grown men—who happen to be younger—who bring energy, humor, and attention that’s often missing in the over-40 dating pool. And let’s not pretend like some of these younger men aren’t actively pursuing us either!

Still, I found myself questioning the line. What’s considered too young? Is it about the age on paper or the stage in life someone’s in? There’s a difference between dating someone young and dating someone immature. One brings joy and spontaneity. The other brings headaches, insecurity, and mama drama.

Let’s talk red flags vs. real compatibility.

Red flags? He’s still calling his mama to ask how to cook spaghetti. He doesn’t have a job—or a clue. He’s obsessed with being on Snapchat but can’t hold a real conversation. Or worse—he’s trying to heal from his last mama-figure relationship and you’ve become his emotional crutch. No ma’am.

But real compatibility? That’s when he listens—not just to respond, but to understand. When he respects your boundaries, doesn’t feel threatened by your success, and brings emotional maturity to the table. He supports your peace, not disturbs it. You can build with that, regardless of age.

And since we’re being real, let’s not ignore the physical connection.

There’s something to be said about the energy and attentiveness younger men often bring to the bedroom. They’re eager, open, and less likely to come with the emotional baggage or routine mindset that some older men have. It’s not just about stamina—it’s the curiosity, the passion, and the willingness to learn your rhythm that makes it worth exploring. And let’s be honest—at this stage in life, I know what I want, and I’m not afraid to ask for it. That kind of chemistry? Priceless.

For me, it’s not about chasing youth or avoiding men my age—it’s about connecting with someone who sees me, values me, and makes me laugh from the gut. If that comes in a younger package, then so be it. I won’t apologize for smiling more, feeling alive, or enjoying this season of my life.

So call me what you want. Cougar. Confident. Curious. Just make sure you call me happy.

With love, faith, and grace,

Simply Shaye ❤️